Rightspeak Dictionary

Entries for the New Dictionary of Rightspeak

The English language is changing…. Keep up with the new meanings of key words and phrases in David Cameron’s Brave New Britain

aspirational > adj. grasping, acquistive, exploitative

aspirer > n. person who prefers churches with towers

blob > n.an example of solidarity in education (qq.v.)

Chancellor of the Exchequer > n. minor part-time role in Government, subordinate to that of designing gideons (q.v.)

class warfare> n. as politics of envy (q.v.) but at higher volume

class warrior> n. one who demonstrates reluctance to show the deference due to those more successful (q.v.) than himself

clegg > n. a near-fatal infection caused by ill-chosen relationships and broken promises (briefly synonymous with scottish q.v.)

compassion > n. a desire to alleviate the suffering of those in a less fortunate situation than ourselves. Note on usage: Formerly regarded as a virtue, now more appropriately distrusted as leading to diminished self-reliance in others.

death tax > n. phr. (formerly known as inheritance tax) state-licensed larceny; the confiscation of the assets of strivers (q.v.) from their heirs, who contributed nothing to their acquisition

decency > n. (1) unquestioning respect for one’s betters; (2) adherence to traditional Christian values

democracy > n. the system whereby a sufficient minority (q.v.) are periodically induced by systematic misinformation to approve their own impoverishment

deserving > adj. deferential; compliant

education > n. regimentation of the minds of the young, encouraging the amassing of factual information and the suppression of creative or critical thought

Europe > n. the model for the fictional Mordor

family > n. a group of individuals, normally co-resident, rendered
deserving (q.v) by virtue of having at least one member working (q.v.)

flexible > adj. (of workforce) compliant

food bank > n. an opportunity for the better-off to demonstrate, to themselves and others, their moral superiority by contributing to the welfare of those less deserving than themselves

gideon > n. a cynical, well-funded Machiavellian plot designed to advantage one small group at the expense of all others

hard-working > adj. (1) with above median income; (2) compliant

humanity > n. an economic resource to be patronised and exploited

landlord > n. a public benefactor who devotes his personal assets in the form of real estate to the housing of those less deserving than himself

localism > n. the principle that allows the vested interests of the successful (q.v.) to veto any development in their vicinity which might benefit the interests of the general public

long-term plan > n. phr. a speculative gamble, with other people’s lives as collateral, which can at critical moments be spun as a success

loyalty > n. (1) unthinking support for the government; (2) means of disclosing spending patterns for exploitation by large corporations

meritocracy > n. a system where inherited wealth and privilege is protected to sustain the distinction between ‘strivers’ and ‘skivers’ (qq.v.)

milliband > n. (1) 1/1000th of a band; (2) (colloq.) much diminished group (usu. of party workers / voters)

non-Dom > n. a Dick

one nation > n. phr. the community of rich English people south of Grantham

political correctness > n. anything disapproved of by the Daily Mail i.e. almost everything

politics of envy > n. phr. any attempt to suggest that any of the product of economic growth should be redistributed downwards

private > adj. (as in ‘p. enterprise’): creative, efficient, moral, virtuous, committed to the common good

professional > n. a know-all whose advice should be ignored adj. cynical, as in professional foul

profitability > n. the only meaningful yardstick of merit or virtue

public > adj. Pardon?

red tape > n. any regulation placed on commercial activity designed to protect employees, customers or the general public that may compromise the primary purpose of maximizing returns to owners or shareholders

scottish > adj. suffering false adoration and vilification in quick succession (cf. Clegg)

self-regulation > n. a process whereby an inherently harmful industrial or commercial enterprise is encouraged to massage its public image without compromising its profitability

skilled > adj. (of immigrants) needed by company donating to Conservative Party funds

skiver > n. one whose natural talents and inherited resources are insufficient to earn a subsistence income

solidarity > n. stubborn resistance to change, no matter how ludicrous (see also blob q.v.)

striver > n. one who uses any lever available to amass personal wealth and power

successful> adj. rich

sufficient minority > n. phr. the proportion of the electorate required to produce a parliamentary majority for the Conservatives

taxpayer > n. one whose resources are insufficient to hire the services of a competent accountant

think tank > n. an organization, suspicious of intellectual activity, with undisclosed sources of funding, acting as a front for (usu. powerful) vested interests and aimed at influencing public opinion

trickledown > n. the illusion that any of the product of economic growth percolates below the 10th income percentile.

wealth creation > n. phr. the manipulation of the product of others’ labour for personal enrichment

wealth creator > n. a person in the top one percent of earners

working > adj. temporarily off the unemployment register

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